Anthology of Mediocrity
by Lord Raa
Summary: A collection of Ranma spamfics and silly ideas that pop into my head from time to time
1. Chapter 1

Anthology of Mediocrity

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Not the droids you're looking for 

This was inspired by the "what if someone other than Genma raised Ranma" idea that seemed popular a while back. Naughty words and silly ideas abound.

* * *

Ranma walked down the street. He was unsure of what the man who claimed to be his genetic parent wanted to speak to him about. 

The man he considered his father had laughed and sent Ranma on his way when he'd received the letter requesting to meet up with Ranma again on "neutral territory" as the absentee parent put it. The young man's thoughts turned to when he was sent on this mission of self-discovery.

* * *

"I've taught you all I can, Ranma," his bald guardian told him. "Go see what he wants. You should be able to tell if he's keeping anything from you. If you can't then, you should find another profession. A journalist that can't sort fact from fiction is worthless." 

The next thing Ranma knew was that the front door to his mentor's apartment was slammed shut.

"Bastard!"

"You've only just found that out?" a male voice called out from behind the reinforced door.

"Bhen-chud!" Ranma bellowed back.

Inside, the man in the glasses with mismatched lenses smiled. "At least he paid attention when I taught him how to curse in foreign languages."

* * *

The raven haired young man turned the corner to see a dojo. Casting his inquisitive gaze over the sign, he saw that this was the place he was looking for. 

Knocking on the door, he straightened his black linen suit and prepared to smile at the residents.

"Hello, may I help you?" a brunette with long hair that rested on her right should asked with a gentle tone.

"Hello," Ranma bowed slightly, "I'm looking for Genma Saotome."

"Who are you?"

"I'm Ranma Saotome," the long haired man said as he scanned the inside of the house as best he could.

"Do come in," the young woman smiled pleasantly. "We've been expecting you."

"You have?" Ranma asked. "Why?"

"Your father is here, Ranma-kun."

Ranma said nothing, but followed the attractive girl inside. He stopped when he realised that his host wasn't wearing outdoor shoes. Quickly shedding the heavy boots, Ranma made up the distance between him and the housedress wearing woman.

"Father, Ranma-kun is here," Kasumi announced.

"Excellent, Kasumi," a moustached man smiled at his daughter. "Please could you get Akane and Nabiki? This concerns all of you."

"Yes Father," Kasumi bowed and left to fetch her sisters.

Ranma sauntered up to the table where Mr. Tendo was sitting and asked him the most pressing question on his mind. "Where's Genma Saotome?"

Soun was taken aback by Ranma's abrasive attitude. "He'll be here shortly. Why don't you tell me about yourself?"

"I'm a freelance journalist."

Soun frowned.

"You're disappointed?" Ranma asked with a shrug. "What do I care what you think? You're not Genma Saotome. Or are you?"

"I'm Soun Tendo, master of this dojo. You should show some respect," the older man scolded.

"Why should I?"

"Because you're going to be my son-in-law," Soun explained.

"Pardon? Who shot who in the what now?" Ranma asked, stunned by that statement.

"Yes, Dad, perhaps you could explain what you mean by that?" Nabiki asked, not liking where this was going.

"Years ago, Ranma's father and I had a dream about joining the schools of Anything Goes so that our legacy would be secured. That's why Ranma is going to marry one of you," Soun smiled at his "little girls".

"Father!" Kasumi exclaimed.

"I don't think so," Nabiki frowned.

"Not gonna happen," Akane growled.

"See? This is a bad idea. Where's Genma? I need to speak with him," Ranma's tone was not pleasant.

"Here I am boy. You're looking well, though a little weak. Have you been slacking off on your training?" a rotund man asked from the sliding door.

"No. My sempai says that I've learnt all he can teach me," Ranma smirked. "All I lack is real life experience in my work."

"And what is that?" Nabiki asked. If Ranma had a job already, then he might have some money saved to treat her to something nice.

"Freelance journalist," Ranma repeated.

"Why am I cursed to have such a weak son? Why couldn't you have followed in my footsteps?" Genma wailed.

"Because you tricked someone into looking after me, fatso," Ranma reminded his parent.

"Quiet you," the elder Saotome ordered.

Ranma laughed before pulling out what looked like a toy gun.

BZZTT

Genma frowned. "Ohh, excuse me."

The balding man rushed to the toilet, clutching his stomach.

"What was that?" Nabiki asked, intrigued as to the monetary value of such a trinket.

"Bowel disrupter," Ranma smiled. "Well, there's nothing for me here."

"But what about the pledge to unite the Schools of Anything Goes?" Soun asked, hoping to get the young man to see reason.

"I don't practice martial arts," Ranma shrugged. "And you shouldn't be in such a rush to get rid of your daughters."

"I'm not trying to get rid of them!"

"Sounds like it to me, Daddy," Nabiki teased.

"Oh my," Kasumi said in surprise.

"So what next? You can't keep me here against my will," Ranma smirked. "I'm out of here."

"Wait," Nabiki interrupted, "you said you were a journalist. What articles have you written?"

"I am and I wrote about the yakuza trying to influence members of the Diet about the trade negotiations with the EU three weeks ago."

"Wait, you're Wild Horse Jerusalem?"

"I am indeed," Ranma grinned. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Ask you not to write about my father's foolishness," the middle Tendo daughter pled.

"What, you mean the fact that he was willing to sell off one of his daughters to a man they haven't met before?" Ranma smirked insufferably. "Now why wouldn't I want to do that?"

"Because it's rude, Ranma-kun," Kasumi admonished.

"And? I've done worse things."

"Like what?" Soun demanded, not liking this youngster's attitude.

"Like this," Ranma yawned as he fired his bowel disrupter at the Tendo patriarch.

"Ohh! Excuse me please," Soun screamed as he rushed for the still occupied toilet.

"My work here is done," Ranma decided.

"What did you do to our dad?" Nabiki asked as politely as she could.

"Nothing much, though I recommend that you cut down on his fibre for a day or two," Ranma said in an off hand manner.

He turned and left the stunned Tendos.

* * *

Worth continuing? 

What? You don't know how raised Ranma yet?

The journalism and bowel disrupters not a big enough hint?

Sigh It's Spider Jerusalem from "Transmetropolitan"

This was not pre-read, and it probably shows.


	2. Chapter 2

Anthology of Mediocrity

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: There are always exceptions. Except when there aren't.

* * *

Round Two 

This time I look at the possibilities when other people in the Ranma cast getting their hands on magical items…

* * *

As the crowd chased Ranma past the Tendo dojo, Kasumi frowned at the cause of this latest commotion. 

Ranma had insulted Akane. Again.

Not what would be considered a newsflash, true, but Kasumi Tendo was not happy about the fact her baby sister couldn't get along better with Ranma.

As Happosai entered the fray, a mauve triangle fell from his black gi and onto the freshly swept ground in front of the eldest Tendo daughter.

Picking it up, the brunette frowned again.

"I wish that Ranma-kun and Akane-chan would stop insult each other forever," she muttered angrily. Or as close what passed for anger with Kasumi.

Out of the blue, almost cloudless sky two lightning bolts arced from the heavens.

Dropping her broom, Kasumi rushed to see if the freak electrical storm had hit anyone. When she arrived at the impact site, she was surprised to see the crowd stopped dead in its tracks.

"Was anybody hit by that lightning?"

"Y-yeah," Ukyo nodded, regaining her ability to speak first, "R-ranchan and Akane."

"The heavens giveth and they taketh away," Kuno said solemnly. "They free the maidens of Nerima from Saotome's accursed grasp, but they also take the life of the delicate flower that is Akane Tendo."

"Oh my…"

* * *

What? Are you going to tell me that there's another way for Ranma and Akane to never insult each other again? 

Let's try another person and a non-wishing item…

* * *

Nodoka pondered the layout of the shop she'd entered on a whim. 

"Is there anything I can help you with, madam?" a short, balding man in wire framed glasses asked from behind a cluttered counter.

"I was looking for something that would help prove my son's manliness," Nodoka replied.

"What's you're son like? Is he athletic, scholarly, heroic?" the man enquired looking up from a clipboard.

"He's very athletic, in fact he's one of the best martial artists in the world. I hear that he's not very scholarly, though," Nodoka admitted. "He has risked his life several times to save others. But he does have a Jusenkyo curse; he fell into the Spring of Drowned Girl."

"Hmm," the shopkeeper mused. "How do you feel about him having several girls willing to fulfil his every desire?"

"I like the sound of that," Mrs. Saotome smiled. "But how would he get girls to do that willingly? I don't approve of slaves or forcing people against their will."

"Simple, madam," the man grinned. "Give this potion to you son. It will also cure his Jusenkyo curse. I'd be very careful who you told about this, as there's only one dose and it will only work for a human spring curse."

"I'll be very careful," Nodoka bowed. "What is it?"

"I think it's called Instant Incubicle, some of the label has come off," the magic shopkeeper admitted.

Nodoka pulled out here purse. "How much for this…"

"Since the label is coming off, I'll let it go for a mere one thousand yen."

The transaction was quickly completed and Nodoka made her way to the Tendo dojo, intent on making her son's life happy.

* * *

Back at the Tendo Dojo, Kasumi was preparing the afternoon tea for the Saotomes, hoping that there would be no destructive excitement for the rest of the week. 

The normal excitement was something that Kasumi could deal with quite easily – it was when people started breaking down doors and walls that she was tired of.

She sighed softly before taking the tea into the family room. After setting the tray down, she was surprised when Nodoka employed an obvious distraction technique on Ranma to spike his drink with a powder.

"Auntie Nodoka?"

"Don't worry, Kasumi-chan," the older woman smiled, "I think that Ranma will like this blend of tea."

The eldest Tendo daughter looked puzzled, but said nothing.

Ranma sipped his tea. "Oh yeah, this is great, Kasumi."

He drained the rest of his cup quickly, almost scalding his throat.

"Thank you, Ranma-kun, though I think you should have let it cool a bit more."

"Nah, I'm invincible," Ranma puffed out his chest. "Besides, you know how people like to interrupt me when I'm eating."

"True," Kasumi allowed. She blinked. "Oh my…"

Ranma noted the change in tone. "Is there something wrong, Kasumi?"

The long haired brunette shifted her shoulders. "I'm fine, just a little tense, that's all, Ranma-kun."

"Perhaps you could give her a neck rub, son?" Nodoka suggested from behind her cup.

"Yeah," Ranma nodded. "Would you like that, Kasumi?"

"Please," Kasumi breathed.

Moments later, Ranma was gently massaging Kasumi's neck and shoulders. Soon the Tendo cook was trying her best not to slump bonelessly against the young Saotome's chest.

"You look like you're having fun there, sis," Nabiki commented from the doorway.

"I am, Nabiki. Ranma-kun has magic fingers."

"Yeah, well they belong to my fiancé, so I get to enjoy them," Akane spoke up, adding to the conversation. "Come on, Ranma, it's my turn."

Patting a spot on the floor next to him, Ranma sighed. "Ok, Akane."

Soon Akane was practically ready to forgive all her fiancé's transgressions and drag him upstairs. "Hey, baka, it's time for you to give me the all over body massage."

Ranma could only sit open mouthed at the youngest Tendo's blatant come on. "But what about me being a pervert?"

"Well, you can be, but only if you're gentle," Akane blushed.

"No, Akane, as the oldest, I get to go first."

"I don't think so, Kasumi. Both you and Nabiki said that he wanted me, right, Ranma?" Akane said, stroking her intended's face.

"I'll buy him off you!" Nabiki blurted out. "Every yen I've got, plus I'll make sure that you get a cut of everything I make for the rest of my life."

"Why would you want Ranma, Nabiki-chan?" Nodoka asked with an amused tone. "I mean, I understand why Akane and Kasumi want to be with my manly son, but he hasn't touched you yet."

"I want ride the wild horse!" the middle Tendo pouted.

"What makes you think you deserve a turn?" Ranma asked, wrapping each arm around Kasumi and Akane's waists.

"What do you think you're doing with both of my sisters, Ranma?" Nabiki's tone turned angry.

"Well, I want to spend time with my fiancée, but we need a chaperone. That way we can be sure that we won't get up to anything too naughty," Ranma smiled.

"Yes!" Kasumi shouted. "I'll make sure you're not too naughty, Ranma-kun."

* * *

Did you like that? Well, I might be persuaded to write a Ranma lemon based that premise… 

But on to the next idea…

* * *

Kuno sat in his inner sanctum, enjoying the latest additions to his collection of treasures. 

"The pigtailed goddess is becoming more and more magnificent," he decided. "Yet my fierce tigress retains her tidy and beauteous nature. I fear that I may not be able to make the decision as to which of them I shall marry."

The kendoist sighed. "I should not have allowed myself to be swindled out that final wish by the mercenary Nabiki Tendo."

* * *

At the Tendo Dojo, Nabiki was grinning like a mad person. She'd managed to cheat the idiot pervert out of the last wish from the Wishbringer sword. 

"Now to get my future secured and out of this hellhole," the short haired girl said, rubbing her hands together. She lifted the sword above her head. "Wishbringer, I wish for you to make all my wildest dreams come true."

"WISH GRANTED."

"Hmm, I don't feel richer, more loved or more powerful, perhaps it'll come in due time," Nabiki shrugged. "I'm thirsty."

As Nabiki made her way down the stairs, there was a knock on the door. Upon reaching the front door, she saw that Kasumi was speaking with their guests.

"I'm here to speak with Ranma Saotome."

"I'm afraid he's not here at the moment, but he should be back shortly if you'd like to wait," Kasumi explained with a smile.

"Yes, thank you," the woman bowed. "Oh, I do apologise for my poor manners, my name is Nodoka Saotome. I'm Ranma's mother."

"Oh my, hello," Kasumi bowed back. "If you'll follow me."

Nabiki followed the trio into the family room with interest.

"So then, I hear my son has a fiancée," Nodoka started as she sat down.

"Yes, he's engaged to our younger sister, Akane," Nabiki explained. "Are you here to meet them?"

"Yes," Nodoka nodded. "I need to speak with Ranma to see if he's suitable for his inheritance."

"Oh, and what's that?" Nabiki asked, not sounding the least bit avaricious.

"If he's suitable, Ranma will inherit the controlling interest of the Gowa group," the man in the suit answered.

"And you are?"

"I'm the attorney for the Gowa family. I have a copy of Ranma's grandfather's will with me so we can be sure of Ranma's suitability."

"I see," Nabiki nodded. "What sort of person do you think that Ranma is?"

"Well, I was hoping that he's manly," Nodoka smiled wistfully. "You know, strong, handsome, stands up for what he believes in, that sort of thing."

"Well, that is Ranma-kun," Kasumi said with a smile.

"That's a relief," Nodoka smiled back. "I was afraid that he wasn't very manly."

"Well, there is his curse…" Nabiki trailed off.

"Curse?" the suited man asked.

"Yes, Ranma turns into a girl when splashed with cold water and turns back into a boy with hot. Is that going to be a problem?" Kasumi asked as she prepared some tea.

"What?" Nodoka looked at Kasumi as if she'd grown another head.

As if to prove Kasumi's point, Ranma appeared in his cursed form.

"Ah, hot water. 'Scuse me."

Ranma poured the hot water over his head and smiled when he turned back into a male. "Thanks."

"Wait, you're Ranma?" the kimono clad woman asked.

"Yes. And you are?"

"Your mother. I thought you were supposed to be manly."

"I am," Ranma insisted. "Look at these muscles!"

"Yes, they're very nice," Nodoka admitted as her son posed. "But I'm not sure that you meet the criteria for your inheritance."

"My what?"

"You're inheritance. If you meet the conditions, you'll inherit a vast sum of money and control of a large industrial empire." The man in the suit opened the brief case. "First off, are you fertile?"

"I don't know. It's never come up before. Next question?"

"Are you able to control the destiny of others?"

"Yes?" Ranma hazarded.

"In what way, Ranma?" Nabiki scoffed.

"I mean, I could make sure Ryoga doesn't bother anyone, and I could mention to the Health department about the fact that cats are seen in a Chinese restaurant."

"That works. Do you have violent maniac for a fiancée?"

"Yes."

"That's not so good. Do you have a lover?"

"No, not yet."

"Well, until you do have one, and I mean a veritable sex slave, then you don't qualify. I'm sorry, son," Nodoka placed a hand on Ranma's shoulder.

"Wait," Nabiki interrupted the pair of adults before they left. "Are you trying to tell me that if Ranma has a human sex toy, then he'll be stinking rich?"

"Yes," Nodoka smiled. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I belong to Ranma!" Nabiki declared as she glomped the Saotome boy.

"Y-you do?" Ranma asked, his pigtail standing out at an angle.

"Yes, silly," Nabiki smiled as she traced patterns on her former favourite mark's chest.

Ranma gulped. "Why now?"

"Because, if you and I are close, then I'll have plenty of money and power, plus I'm pretty sure that the sex would be great," Nabiki whispered into Ranma's ear.

"If that's what you want, then ok," Ranma nodded. "Mom, Mr. Lawyer Man, I have Nabiki to fulfil my every sexual whim. Can we go shopping now?"

"I don't believe you, son," Nodoka teased.

Ranma laughed. "Well then, how about this?"

He pulled in Nabiki for a deep kiss, his tongue probing her mouth to the point of almost tickling her tonsils as his hands roamed all over her body.

Ranma broke the kiss. "Did that convince you?"

"That's most improper," Kasumi admonished.

"You're just jealous that you're not going to be getting any," Nabiki taunted, though her eyes were slightly glazed over.

"Yes, you are manly," Nodoka declared. "Let's go spend some money!"

"Yay!" Nabiki cheered.

"B-but what about me?" Kasumi quietly asked.

"Wait," Ranma stopped in his tracks, "Nabiki's my sex toy. I need a fiancée that isn't a violent maniac, don't I?"

"Yes, you do," the lawyer agreed.

"Then what about Kasumi?" Ranma asked. "She looks bored, and I think that she'll object less to a threesome with Nabiki."

"What do you say, nee-chan?" Nabiki smiled at her sister.

"Yay, I get to go shopping!" the Tendo housekeeper cheered.

* * *

Go on then, tell me that those aren't Nabiki's wildest fantasies. 

I mean, she'll be rich, loved and have a lot of power. She'll never have to work (or deal with Kuno) again.

Plus Kasumi will be looked after.

A winning situation all round, if you ask me.

Until laterer comes


	3. Chapter 3

Anthology of Mediocrity

By Lord Raa

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: I hate my hairy arse, it's so unwomanly.

* * *

Round Three

* * *

Four men, obviously foreign visitors to Japan, looked over at the empty lot with a curious eye. 

"Colonel," the man in a brown leather jacket and baseball cap nudged a white haired man, "what do you think that man's doing with that kid?"

"What?" the older man asked, grabbing a pair of binoculars and scanning the scene before him. His face darkened. "B.A., you and the Lieutenant come with me. Murdoch, you prepare for immediate evac."

* * *

Genma Saotome was putting the finishing touches to this latest attempt to teach his son the Neko-ken. 

"You've already failed twice, Boy," the portly man sighed callously. "I'm beginning to doubt your commitment to The Art."

"What? Poppa, I'll learn it this time, I promise," a young Ranma Saotome insisted.

"Well then, see that you do," the balding man said as he picked up the restrained child.

"What do you think you're doing?" an older man called out in English, alerting the Saotomes to the presence of an audience.

"Back off gaijin, this doesn't concern you," Genma replied in Japanese.

The handsome one of the trio frowned and replied in broken Japanese. "What you doing to child?"

"Training him," the older martial artist answered before turning his back on the interlopers.

"Training him? I don't think so," the large black man said after hearing his associate's translation. He strode forward and grabbed a hold of the bespectacled man's gi.

Genma dropped Ranma on the ground to the right of the pit he'd dug. "Fine, let me show you how we deal with foreign filth like you!"

As the two muscular men grappled, the older foreigner lifted up the bound boy and sniffed. "Fish?"

Then he heard the mewing from the pit.

Genma had thrown his opponent to the floor and turned to face the other troublemakers.

That was when the one that had spoken Japanese smirked and cocked the large calibre pistol. "Not today. No worry, we make sure he taken care of."

"But that's my son!"

"Not any more," the white haired man said after helping his friend up. "Let's go, guys."

* * *

When the four foreigners and their rescued passenger were far enough away, the senior man introduced himself and his friends in English. 

"Hi there, I'm John Smith, that man there's Templeton Peck, the man that's driving is Murdoch and the large fellow that fought with that man back there is B.A. Baracus."

Ranma looked blankly at the man, not understanding a word of it.

Templeton Peck slapped his forehead. "He doesn't speak any English – he won't start learning it in schools for a few more years. Let me try."

Ranma nodded in comprehension when he heard the introductions again in Japanese. "Saotome Ranma," he said with a bow. "Where're you going to take me? That was my dad back there. He's been training me in martial arts."

"Your dad?" Face replied with a frown. "Colonel, he says that man was his father and he was trying to teach him martial arts."

The Colonel frowned. "I know combat training, but I've never seen anything that has kids thrown into a pit that's got cats in it."

"Child abuse?" the black man growled angrily.

Ranma backed away from the scary man, only to see BA smile warmly. "Don't worry, kid, I won't let anyone hurt you."

The blue-eyed child looked to his translator.

"No worry, we keep you safe," the Lieutenant winked.

"Thank you," Ranma replied in heavily accented English as he bowed to his rescuers.

"So then, Ranma," Face started his interrogation, "why you learning martial arts?"

"To help people that are weaker than me," the young Saotome said, puffing out his chest in pride. "What do all of you do? Why are you in Japan?"

"We're here to help someone."

"So you're like me, you help people. Maybe I can help you help people?" Ranma asked excitedly.

Face turned to Hannibal and repeated the question in English.

"No, we can't take him with us," the Colonel shook his head. "I mean, we are fugitives, after all. It's not like I like the idea of leaving the kid in that monster's hands, but we can't raise a child on the run, you know."

The van pulled up at the airport, much to the displeasure of B.A. Baracus.

"I ain't getting on no plane!" he announced loudly.

"Colonel, how are we going to get back to L.A. if the big guy here won't fly?" Murdoch asked as he turned to join in the conversation. "My stomach's not up for a cruise back to the States. Besides, they're going to miss me back at the V.A."

"Hmm, the Captain's got a point," Hannibal mused as he pulled out a cigar.

Ranma frowned. These people seemed like they helped people a lot, like his father insisted that martial artists did, but they felt they didn't need his help. Then a thought occurred to him.

Reaching over, he jabbed a finger in B.A.'s neck, causing the large man to slump bonelessly in his seat.

"How did you do that?" Hannibal asked, intrigued as to what skills this young kid had.

"Poppa taught me it, he said that sometimes you need to get people to be quiet," Ranma answered. "He used it on me lots of times."

"Why were you wrapped up like that?" the now smoking man asked, gesturing to the fish products and rope.

"Neko-ken."

"Wait? Did you say Neko-ken?" Murdoch demanded.

"H-hai," Ranma nodded, almost ashamed at his failure to learn the "unbeatable" technique.

"Captain, do you know something about this 'Neko-ken'?" Hannibal turned to man in the baseball cap.

"Yeah, there's a guy in the hospital that's scared of cats, says that he was thrown in a pit of them. Colonel, we need to help the kid," the pilot insisted. "I can get him help."

"Besides, Hannibal, he'll be better off in foster care in the US than he will be with that maniac," the Lieutenant added.

"Ok," the Colonel sighed. "Kid, it looks like you're coming with us to America with the A-Team."

* * *

Over the years, Ranma learned a lot from his new friends. It was a more varied syllabus than he would have from going to school. 

For instance, very few municipal schools would have taught escapology, the manufacture of non-lethal weapons and how to generally evade the authorities.

That's not to say that the young Saotome hadn't had his run-ins with the Department of Social Services during his stay in foster care, but that was mainly because of his repeated absences to join in on the adventures of the US Military's most infamous fugitives rather than him stealing cars or dealing drugs.

At the moment, he was being questioned upon his return by a Colonel Decker, a stern individual that had pretty much threatened him with his strong-arm tactics.

"If you don't tell me what you know about the A-Team, I'll have you thrown in Juvenile Detention!"

Ranma remained stone-like throughout the whole interrogation barring a nervous tick in his face that made his jaw close shut, the sound of his teeth click-clacking together infuriating the authority figures greatly.

Colonel Decker's left eye was twitching. He'd read the file on the Japanese youth, though he wondered exactly how much mental trauma he'd gone through and how much of this was an act.

"So be it, kid, we'll be watching you."

As the MPs left, Ranma slowly stood up and left for his room, he needed to warn his friends that there was a danger that Decker would try to use him as bait.

Settling down at his desk, the part-time member of the A-Team began writing his coded letter to the only one he could count on receiving it.

* * *

"Howling Mad" Murdoch was enjoying his art therapy in the mental ward of the Veteran's Association's hospital when the mail clerk told him that he was the recipient of a letter. 

Frowning at the already opened envelope, the pilot read through the text, the second paragraph telling him that this was a coded message. Reading between the metaphorical lines, he deciphered communiqué.

"Murdoch, I'm sorry but that jackass Decker's on to me. I can't risk any of the Team, so I'm heading out to Japan for a while. I've made the arrangements already, but I don't know when I'll see you guys again."

Next came the non-coded bit of text.

"I've found out that I've still got some family, but I don't know what they're like. Maybe they're ok, maybe they're slime like Pops, so I guess I'll find out when I get there.

"Take care and thanks for all your help,

Ranma"

Murdoch smiled as he put the letter away.

"Something up, Captain?" one of the psychologists asked pleasantly.

"One of my friends is having a family reunion," the "crazy fool" replied. "It's been a while since he saw any of them."

* * *

Ranma Saotome sat in the departure lounge in LAX waiting. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of an undercover agent and smirked insufferably to himself. 

"Probably thinks that I'm running off to meet Hannibal and the others," the wayward youth mused. He decided that he might as well do something to help his cover story and made his way to a public computer terminal.

After paying for some internet access Ranma typed in his surname in the Find-o-matic™ search bar and returned 10,000 hits. "Damn. Let's try 'Anything Goes martial arts'."

The part-time soldier of fortune blinked when he saw that there was only one hit: – the Tendo Dojo.

"Looks like I'm visiting Nerima," he said after clicking the link.

* * *

Ranma woke up as shortly before landing at Narita airport. Trying to stretch, he noticed that someone was leaning on him. Looking down, he was surprised to see a pretty young lady smile gently as she rubbed her face on his muscular arm. 

"Excuse me, Miss, but we're going to be landing soon," he said in an attempt to wake the blonde.

"What? Already, but I was just getting to the good part," the fair-haired maiden pouted. Then she realised what she'd said aloud. "I'm sorry, I'm not like that! Really! I didn't mean to fall as sleep on you like that, honest!"

"It's ok," Ranma smiled. "You didn't bother me at all."

* * *

Shortly after landing, Ranma caught the train to Nerima, though he didn't know what he would do if the Tendos couldn't help him. 

'I guess I'll sleep rough and take from there,' he thought with a shrug. Then he blinked. 'Was that a hand on my ass?'

Turning around, Ranma looked across the carriage to see a pair of schoolgirls standing close to him trying to look innocent.

Deciding that he was imagining things from a combination of his eleven hour flight and change in timezones, he turned to face the window once again.

Seconds later, he faced the two girls that were now blushing like mad, having been caught in the act of fondling his butt.

"So, do either of you two have any plans for this evening?" Ranma asked in Japanese, turning on the charm. "My name's Ranma Saotome, by the way, what're yours?"

"I'm Minako Aino," the blonde winked.

"I'm Makoto Kino," the tall brunette said from her bow. Which, incidentally, allowed Ranma a glimpse at some impressive cleavage. "I'm free this evening, what did you have in mind?"

"Well, I've got to see someone in Nerima, but depending on how that goes, I could be free in an hour or not until morning. What day is it? I'm a little jet-lagged right now. Just flew in from L.A."

It's Thursday," Makoto answered. "Where are you going in Nerima?"

"To the Tendo Dojo," the blue-eyed youth said. "They might be able to help me find my family."

"The Tendo Dojo? That's where I'm going, I'll show you the way," the brunette insisted cheerfully.

"I'm going there, too," Minako chimed in. "I'm good friends with the heir to the school, Akane."

"Well, then it's all working out nicely," Ranma said in the suave manner he learned from one Templeton Peck.

"¬Nerima. Nerima.¬" the train's speaker announced.

* * *

As the trio of teenagers walked towards the Tendo Dojo, Ranma was careful how he answered the girls' questions. While he doubted that Decker and his cronies were that cunning, he couldn't be sure that this wasn't a trap. 

The girls thought Ranma was great. He was tall, handsome, well built and well travelled compared to the local boys.

Plus he had that air of mystery about him!

A figure came running in front of them at the intersection. A closer look told Ranma that it was a she.

"Hey, Akane!" Makoto called out, waving.

"Makoto!" the jogger called back. She trotted up to them. "Here for your lesson, Makoto?"

"Yep," the brunette nodded. "I can tell that I'm getting close to that 3rd Dan."

"That's good," Akane smiled. "Who's your boyfriend, Minako?"

The blonde smiled at her friend's inference. "This is Ranma; he just flew in from America."

"Hello," Ranma bowed politely. "I've got some business at the Tendo Dojo."

"Well, it's nearly lesson time," Akane said, not sounding terribly impressed with the "Ranma" fellow.

* * *

"I'm home!" Akane called out, reaching the front door ahead of her guests. "Mom, Dad, there's someone here to see you." 

Reiko Tendo wiped her hands on her apron. "Yes?"

Ranma bowed formally. "I'm Ranma Saotome. I apologise for doing this, but I was hoping that you would be able to help me find out about my family."

"Oh?"

"Yes, you see, many years, my f-father," Ranma twitched when he spoke that word, "told me about the Tendo Dojo, and now I was hoping that I'd be able to find out about my mother and see if I have any other family."

"Akane, could you call your father, please?" Reiko asked with a smile. "Please, do come in."

* * *

A few minutes later, Ranma was sitting in front of Soun Tendo, his father's old training partner. 

"Yes, your father mentioned that you might come by after you calmed down."

"So you do know my family? What can you tell me about them?" Ranma asked eagerly.

"Well, I really only knew your father," Soun admitted. "But he did seem disappointed that you ran off with those foreigners."

Ranma frowned.

"But that's not important right now," the Tendo master of Anything Goes decided. "What is important is the fact that we can now join the schools of Anything Goes. You have been training in Anything Goes, haven't you?"

Now it was Reiko's turn to frown. "Anata," she whispered in his ear, "don't you think that you're pushing things? I mean he just walked in off the street and you're trying to marry off one of your daughters?"

Soun gulped. "That's not what I meant, dearest. I meant that Saotome-kun and I thought that it would be nice if we were to unite the schools with the marriage of our children."

"Oh, ok," Ranma nodded. Though on the inside, he was suspicious of the man's motives. "What happened to my f-father?"

The Tendos noticed the young Saotome's reluctance to admit that Genma was his father. Not that they were terribly surprised by that, they had seen Nodoka's rage when Genma had told her why Ranma was nowhere to be found.

No-one had seen Ranma's father since, though Nodoka had assured them that she hadn't killed the man.

"We haven't seen him for some time, Ranma-kun," Reiko admitted. "Your mother didn't like what he had to say when told her about your disappearance."

"Oh," was all Ranma could say.

"Never mind that right now," Soun smiled. "I'll get my daughters and you can decide which one you want to marry."

"Ok," Ranma nodded. "Wait! You're serious about this arranged marriage thing?"

"Yes," Soun said, adjusting his posture to seem imposing. "Why? Are you suggesting that my daughter's aren't good enough for you?"

"Not at all," the pigtailed young man replied. "But don't you think it's a bit sudden to engage your daughters to someone that's just walked in off the street?"

"That's right, Daddy," Nabiki admonished as she walked in with her sisters. "He's cute alright, but marriage? And so soon?"

"But your mother and I married soon after we met…" the Tendo patriarch replied, his voice sounding weaker and weaker as he felt the glare of his wife boring holes into him.

"Perhaps it would be better if everyone got to know each other better?" Reiko suggested. "That way we can see who makes the best match."

"Ok, I think that's reasonable," Ranma nodded. "I think my business here is done for the day. Do you know anywhere I can stay?"

"You can stay here," Soun offered after sparing his wife a glance. "I think that would be easiest for everyone."

"But what if he's a pervert?" Akane demanded.

"While I don't like the inference, your daughter does have a point," the visiting youth said in an even tone. "I don't think it would be appropriate if I stayed here."

"Nonsense, I'm sure that I can trust the son of my best friend," the moustached man insisted.

"What makes you say that? The fact that I wasn't raised by him?" Ranma asked with a smirk.

Nabiki and Reiko's giggles distracted Soun for a moment. "Such a lack of respect for your father, Ranma-kun."

"Well, I found out that you're not supposed to train your child with insanely dangerous techniques. But that's not important right now. If you really want me to stay here to get to know your daughters better, I will, but only on the condition that you help me find out about my family," the blue-eyed young man offered.

"Then it's settled," Soun declared happily. "This is Kasumi, she's 19, Nabiki, she's 17 and Akane is 16."

* * *

As you can probably tell, this is a "Ranma raised by someone other than Genma" fic. 

Sorry for the lack of originality in concept, I hope I made up for it with the execution.

I didn't, did I?

Ne'er mind, I could be convinced to allow someone to continue this idea or even continue it myself for a chapter or two. All you need to do is drop me a line and we shall see what we can see.

Until laterer comes…


End file.
